hmmmnn... sometimes, i wonder, is it my problem or is it other people's problem... and after thinking about my past.. Its like a sequence.. Things just happens and it happens again and again... I tried my best to avoid things like that to happen again but it never succeed.
Working hard was my aim this year, and yeah, i did get the results that i'm quite satisfied with. However, my other stuff, such as friendship, it didn't made it like how i imagined. So its fair that we don't always get what we want. But most importantly, i think i should have a change in my attitude and all the shyness that is in me.
I'm lazy, always thinking of doing something fun like watching tv for the whole day and get mad easily, and even said things that shouldn't say without thinking. These should all changed in time, but i'm what i'm, so its kinda hard for me to change these behavior that i had it for the past 18 years. However, strategies will come soon enough to make me a whole new different person, i hope.... because, you see... i'm a person who fails to plan so its basically plan to fail.. and even if i planned, i don't like following it... THAT'S ME! haha...
There's one more thing that i realised about my self, that is i'm always being envy about how others look and how i look. i always compare this and compare that. This made me even worst and this leads me to losing a lot of friends. May be this is because i'm always comparing my self to my brother, he is always the excellent one in my family and scored marks that i'll never scored. but this has to change too, i need to be a better person by not comparing to others and just try my very best in everything.
Of course, this is not all, i also cannot treat the person i love the way they should be treated with respect, for instance, my bf, i actually asked him to try to stay away whenever i saw my friends, my relatives or my family when we are going out together. I know this is cruel, but i cannot admit that he is my bf.. this is because my mother never did agree on me having a bf.. now the question comes, why did i even have a bf in the first place? why do i even accept him in the first place? I don't know.. i think i just need a person to lay on for a while and it became so unfair for him.
so basically, i think i have more weakness than strength after all.. haha... Hoping that things will change after i get into degree program, try to grow up, and stop being so naive and childish!!
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